Sunday, May 22, 2011

If You’re Reading This, You’re In Heaven!

Welcome to the official newsletter of Heaven! Yes, the Rapture happened, and you won! You’re in Paradise! (Sorry it’s exactly like the world you left behind; perhaps you should appreciate the world you left behind a little more!)

We are too a-scared to wait up until whenever the rapture is supposed to hit California and suck 89-year-old Oakland-based doomsday predictor Harold Camping back to his watery grave, so we’ll just schedule this post to publish in the morning. But we have grabbed some news bits from New Zealand, which apparently has yet to be destroyed by Jeebus Quakes even though it’s well after 6 p.m. local time. READ MORE »

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