Monday, October 25, 2010

Andrew Breitbart Still Suffers From Serious Boy-Touching Denial

We remember it like it was yesterday, but actually it was 9/12: Your part-time morning editor was walking dejectedly through a Tea Bagger field, and then Andrew Breitbart appeared from the mist in a gorgeous Victorian gown and drunkenly groped us for what seemed like “too long.”

It was such a special, Charlotte Bronte moment. Obviously the entire world saw this embrace, on C-SPAN radio, and then the “when is the wedding?” emails started pouring in. But some liberals protesting last month’s Right Nation picnic were asking different questions, questions like “Andrew Breitbart’s gay!” Andrew Breitbart says this is hate speech, and adamantly denies his boy-touching tendencies.

And after doing lots of serious journalism, Breitbart has finally identified his accuser! (Hint: She’s a Democrat.) Andrew Breitbart might not be gay, but he’s certainly something. In these modern times there are so many different genders and sexualities. Andrew’s gender is probably “Into Ladies, But When Drunk Likes Touching Boys.” Oh Breitbart, isn’t it time you contacted your local LGBTBBQ (sp?) Pride chapter? READ MORE »

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