NYT
Huckabee! Huckabee! The man of the hour! What is it that voters love so much about this guy? Is it a hitherto inchoate yearning for a president who knows less about international affairs than they do? Hope that a man who can lose 100 pounds could also get rid of the federal deficit?
Mike is soaring ahead in the early polls, in a surge to the front of the pack that suggests Republicans cannot come to grips with the idea that they are supposed to nominate either Mitt Romney or Rudy Giuliani for president. There has to be a way out! What about Huckabee? He has a good heart! True, his brain doesn’t seem to have a single thought about foreign policy or know much about domestic policy, for that matter. But one well-functioning body part is better than nothing.
Yesterday, the Republican candidates for president had their last debate of 2007, and let me say, there’s nothing that gets you in the holiday spirit like Rudy Giuliani pointing out that Islamic fanatics want us dead. While this was supposed to be Romney’s big chance to regain momentum in Iowa, it wound up being a pretty dull affair. Mitt did not even get a chance to ask Huckabee why, in a new Times Magazine interview, he coyly dropped the question of whether Mormons believe that Jesus and the devil are brothers.
(Coming next: Mike innocently asks whether it’s true that New York mayors worship false idols.)
In a great bit of luck for the Huckabee team, the event included Alan Keyes, a candidate so wacky he’s generally excluded even from the none-too-selective list of Republican debaters. It was the perfect way to combat the impression that Huckabee’s religious beliefs, which seem to rule out evolution, are extreme. Next to Keyes, he looks like a logical positivist.
The Huckabee strong suit is morality and the Republican voters are clearly yearning for someone without a record of spectacularly public adultery who also does not remind them of a snake-oil salesman. The party base, we know, tends to be pro-life. Does that really mean they want a president who tried to stop an abortion for a 15-year-old mentally retarded girl who was raped by her stepfather? The primary voters are obviously not keen on gay marriage, but do they really want to be governed by somebody who suggested quarantining all the people with AIDS?
And then there’s the matter of Giftgate. It turns out the guitar-strumming, good-humored populist has never met a present he didn’t want. Huckabee managed to pile up $112,000 in freebies in a single year as governor. I can see how he would feel constrained to politely accept a picture of a duck or a cowboy hat, but $48,000 in clothing? A discount card for Wendy’s? A chainsaw?
Wedding gifts are exempt from ethics restrictions in Arkansas, and when Mike left office, the Huckabees — who have been married for more than 30 years — were signed up on the Target wedding registry so fans could help furnish their new 7,000-square-foot home. “Message from the couple: Target GiftCards are welcome,” added the registry helpfully.
The Arkansas Times, in which the Giftgate article was published, listed some of the items on the wish list. They were pretty modest: a $30 asparagus pot, a $100 Jack LaLanne power juicer and a $250 cookware set. But if the Huckabees move into the White House, it’s a whole new level. I’m thinking they could reel in one really special asparagus pot.
The Republicans have now slunk off to spend their holidays trudging through the snows of Iowa, taking advantage of many Christmas opportunities to point out that their religious beliefs are virtually identical to those of the undecided caucus-goers. The Democrats get to debate today, but without Alan Keyes around it’s not going to be any fun.
The Republican pack is one extremely unappealing bunch of politicians, and it’s no wonder that the poor voters have developed buyers’ remorse before they’ve come near the cash register. Huckabee is this week’s exercise in avoidance, and he’s not likely to be the last.
If Iowa opts for Mike (More Sincere Than Mitt, Less Weird Than Rudy), chances are that New Hampshire voters will decide that going that way lies disaster. They’ll probably go for Mitt (Fewer Wives Than Giuliani and More Money Than Anybody Else). Once the small states have spoken, Florida voters may be so appalled by the idea of having to listen to Mitt talk about his beautiful marriage for four years that they’ll opt for Rudy (More Consistent Than Mitt and Remember 9/11). While some candidates are focusing on small states and face-to-face campaigning, Giuliani seems to do best in large states where very few people have actually met him.
Then, somewhere around South Dakota, Fred (Extremely Tall) Thompson’s strategy will finally unfold and the voters will give him the nomination because they’ve forgotten he was ever in the race.
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