Saturday, December 08, 2007

GAIL COLLINS: Everything’s Perfect, Except ...

NYT

The peak of my sympathy for Mitt Romney came when he was being battered on one side by Christian fundamentalists who think his faith is a cult and on the other by fellow Mormons, who were irate when he fudged the fact that they believe Jesus will return to earth and build a new Jerusalem in Jackson County, Mo.

This week, Mitt made his much-anticipated religion speech, and stood up for his rights not to be discriminated against for his beliefs, and not to have to explain the part about Jackson County. Good for him on both counts.

... Except that you have to wonder why he felt compelled to dip into dogma just long enough to assure voters that he believes “Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Savior of mankind.”

Romney’s message, which boiled down to let’s-all-be-religious-together, was certainly different from the John Kennedy version, which argued that a candidate’s religion is irrelevant. But then Kennedy was speaking to the country, while Romney had his attention fixed on the approximately 35,000 Iowa religious conservatives who will tip the balance in the first-in-the-nation Republican caucus.

Can I pause here briefly to point out that in New York there are approximately 35,000 people living on some blocks? If my block got to decide the first presidential caucus, I guarantee you we would be as serious about our special role as the folks in Iowa are. And right now Mitt Romney would be evoking the large number of founding fathers who were agnostics.

But I digress. Iowans are not the only people who are looking for a Republican to root for. We were all waiting to see if Mitt might be the much-yearned-for Inclusive One. So it was disheartening to discover that the Romney big tent does not seem to have any space for nonbelievers. However, the assurances about his commitment to separation of church and state were all very — reassuring.

... Except that Romney has a history of changing his mind on what seemed to be deep-seated convictions, without any warning whatsoever.

Which is his right. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.

... Except that these conversions always seem to happen at the most politically convenient moment imaginable.

Churchgoing Americans are more open-minded than they’re sometimes given credit for. Many of them seem to think highly of Rudy Giuliani, who has not entirely abandoned his belief in abortion rights and gay rights, and whose personal religious convictions are probably actually pretty close to J.F.K.’s in more ways than one. Rudy’s candidacy might offer religious conservatives a chance to prove that they are capable of looking past the hot-button social issues if they can find a man with a deep understanding of the world and the ability to make Americans come together for the common good.

... Except that Giuliani has no clue how to handle foreign policy and would have us all at each other’s throats in 15 seconds.

To be fair, inclusion runs two ways, and social conservatives might want to ask the pro-choice contingent if they’re capable of getting beyond abortion. Perhaps they could accept Mike Huckabee, who seems to respect everybody and has a record of using the power of government to take care of the poor and the helpless.

... Except that Huckabee is already turning into one of those empty vessels that dispirited voters pour all their hopes and dreams into, only to discover that he’s just like all the other guys, only less qualified.

According to the Web site at Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University, Huckabee told the students there that God orchestrated his sudden surge in the polls. And this week he couldn’t answer questions about the new National Intelligence Estimate. Do we really want somebody in the Oval Office who hasn’t heard that Iran stopped working on nuclear weapons? Spending money on the needy is important, but Huckabee may be getting a tad too much credit for a nursing home bed tax and a surcharge for parks.

What about John McCain, the only major candidate on the Republican side who actually has a lot of experience with foreign policy? McCain just about wrecked his presidential campaign standing up for a rational immigration bill, and it would seem only fair if some of the people who have been denouncing all the anti-immigrant pandering could reward him by jumping on his bandwagon.

... Except that McCain’s other big principle is staying the course in Iraq, if it takes the rest of the millennium.

Only 25 more shopping days until the Iowa caucuses and still that transcendent Republican hasn’t emerged. It would have been nice to discover that Fred Thompson, currently devoting his entire campaign to a tour of Southern gun stores, was as great a guy as he seemed on “Law & Order.”

... Except that he isn’t.

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