US Headlines
Pollsters in Texas have given the democratic nomination for Texas to Hillary Clinton, just after polls opened in the state.
"We announced the victory to get her off our back" said Art U. Arey, a pollster attached to Focks News in Houston. "I could not bear to listen to her continued whining, her nasal tones and her spittle-bearing invective any more. If she thinks she's won, she might shut up for a while."
In another piece of Hillary appeasement, several papers in the southern United States carried stories today about Barack Obama dodging the draft for the Vietnam war.
"The only excuse he seems to be able to offer is that he was too young. An argument that doesn't carry much weight here. If you're old enough to walk, you're old enough to carry a gun and defend your country." said Russ T. Nail, editor of the 'South Carolina Confederate'.
We'll know by this evening if these moves help or hinder Ms. Clinton's campaign.
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