Saturday, November 14, 2009

Palin accidentally burns her own book

ANTWILLIE, TENN Former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin attended a book burning rally Friday, where she unwittingly participated in the incineration of hundreds of copies of her upcoming autobiography, “Going Rogue.”

Palin made the planned stop at the small Church of Righteous Indignation to join the congregation as it tossed over 18 tons of literature into a massive bonfire.

According to the program, a record number of books were to be destroyed, including Barack Obama’s “The Audacity of Hope” and any literature that used the word “gay” in any context.

When church organizers came across cases of the former Vice Presidential candidate’s memoirs stacked inside a U-Haul trailer, they had no idea the newly pressed hardbacks were intended as promotional copies.

“We saw all those boxes of books,” explained a church official, “and naturally thought they were intended for the fire. It was an innocent mistake.”

Palin and her husband Todd initially cheered as a twenty-foot craned lowered the cases into the towering flames, joining the crowd in chants of “Burn, baby, burn!”

But then, according to witnesses, Todd became startled and whispered something into his wife’s ear. “She shrieked like a moose with an arrow in its num-nums,” noted one bystander, “and shouted ‘Oh my God, those are the wrong books!’”

The crowd chanted responsively, “The wrong books! The wrong books! The wrong books!”

Attendees soon realized their mistake and began dousing the blaze with a nearby church hose, but their attempt to spare even a few copies of “Rogue” were in vain.

As the flames subsided, the only books to be found intact amid the smoke and debris were Richard Simmons’s “Shimmy into Shape” and a 500-year-old copy of the Talmud.

Church elders offered an apology, but Palin refused to accept it. Using her trademark cheery optimism, she instead turned the mishap into a campaign opportunity and asked the book burners for their support in the 2012 presidential election.

“You fuckin’ hillbillies better vote for me,” she said. “Get in the car, Todd.”

Todd Palin unhitched the empty U-Haul, then joined his wife in the backseat limousine, which screeched off into the smoky night.

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