Stocks Rally Due To Romney Win 100 Days In Future, CNBC Declares With Straight Face

The stock market. What is it? It is a collection, or “cooperative,” of people who throw bits of paper in the air and scream their faces off. If you are rich, it gives you muneez. If you are poor, it gives your boss muneez. When the stock market goes down, that is because everyone hates the president, but when it goes up, that is because everyone hates the president. If anything, it just makes too much sense! Let us ask CNBC to explain why a stock market surge is due to investors betting on a Romney win, despite the fact that Mitt Romney is not, in fact, actually winning. READ MORE »