BOCA RATON - (PTSD News) - A surprise series of thunderstorms, which has dumped inches of rain in minutes across most of the midwest and south, spawned thousands of lightening strikes, hitting dozens of people, including popular talk show host Rush Limbaugh. "One minuto he's jelling at me," said Limbaugh's maid Mercedes Santos, "then the sky open and a flash strike the fat man right on his ugly bald head."
Limbaugh was rushed to Boca Presbyterian where he was initially pronounced dead. "But he came roaring back to life quoting the Koran," said Dr. Haj Prawdi, "I am a Muslim and his recitation of the holy book was perfect and true, more than I can say about the way he plays fast and loose with the truth on his show." "Then he starts speaking in perfect Spanish, like a native speaker," said Juanita Bustamonte, a nurse born in the Dominican Republic.
The most amazing result of the lightning strike is that it turned Limbaugh's skin black and changed his gender to female. The strike, which also hit his mansion and burned it to the ground, seemed to have shorted out his assets at various banks and off-shore accounts, leaving the once wealthy Limbaugh penniless.
"If you thought I was angry as a rich white man," Limbaugh said from his hospital bed, "wait until you hear how enraged I get as a poor black hispanic Muslim lesbian."
Ms. Santos, who has worked for Limbaugh for five years, was uninjured. "Just before he speak with anger about me for not being pronto with his oxycontin," Santos said, "he say 'if the most endangered species in America is not white males, then God should strike me dead.' Dios, mio. I think He was listening."
Lightening also struck 55 year-old Billy Jimmy Hoskins near Hayes, Kansas while he was trying to put up a roadsign that read, "God Hates Homos." Another lightening victim was 41 year-old Andrew Goldsmith, a former AIG executive who was hit just outside a bar in Key West, Florida where he was on vacation. Goldsmith was heard talking about his large bonus when he was felled by the storm. "Mr. Goldsmith is very upset about his health in fact, I would call it a depression" said his doctor, Grant Skinner, "especially when I told him he may not see a recovery this year."
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