Anybody who says the Associated Press is not the most important wire service with “AP” as its initials just plain hates good journalism. Following up on yesterday’s scorcher about how there were five (5) other governors who did something vaguely weird once, over the course of American state history, today AP headquarters in New York offers up what just might be the most cogent yet blistering assessment of the Mark Sanford “Argentine Firecracker” scandal thus far: Sanford is a Republican governor doing lame, creepy things … just like all those other Republican governors trying to make a name for themselves in the GOP’s final days.
Mark Sanford is, of course, a self-serving grandstanding asshole with national political ambitions, even though he’s the Republican governor of an actual slave state of the Confederacy. Well versed in the current GOP methodology of “I’ll screw over my poor jobless citizens to make a one-news-cycle stink on cable TV, about Obama, and then I’ll completely backtrack and mumble about responsibility,” Sanford has much in common with the other Republican governors considered “sacrificial lambs” for 2012 … according to the Associated Press, anyway.
Squeaky exorcist dwarf Bobby Jindal, for example, was considered by somebody somewhere as a potential challenger to Barack Obama in 2012 because (rolls dice) … Jindal is kind of brown-y. But then he gave his “cringe-inducing nationally televised response to Obama’s first budget address” from an actual slave-plantation set from Gone With the Wind, and Bobby Jindal’s name was never mentioned again. Jindal may have gone to Argentina, too, but nobody cares to ask. Would you care if Bobby Jindal was in Argentina, right now? Bobby Jindal could be the first man on Mars and nobody would care. Wikipedia would be all, “Somebody may have landed on Mars. Nobody really knows/cares.”
Also! Rick Perry, that moderate house-burning RINO of Austin, he could’ve been a contender. Too bad Republicans in Texas don’t trust him, which is why he went on the teevee and threatened to secede from America, because wingnuts in Texas get widdle-biddy erections when they hear talk of secession, but this tragically exposed Rick Perry to American voters, who were all, “Oh jesus, that guy? Fruit salad!” And a few days later, Perry was begging Washington for sweet federal welfare dollars to fight the Mexican Pig AIDS, which originated in Texas, the end.
Then there’s Sarah Palin, the “Kate & Jon” of American politics. This mean, brain-dead rat was chosen as John McCain’s comical running mate because she had a big head of real-estate agent hair and pooped out a baby every couple of months, so wingnut bloggers could tap out trying-too-hard sonnets of lust for their Lady of the Klondike, because hubba-hubba men are supposed to like the women, isn’t that right? Wokka wokka. But she ended up being a remarkably dumb, tone-deaf grifter even by GOP standards, and now she’s nothing but the pathetic butt of late-night ratings-stunt jokes meant to keep that Conan O’Brien from getting all the glory Jay Leno already packed up and hauled away to his personal self-storage steel building full of vanity cars, in Burbank.
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