Precious Drink

1. Precious Drink

O'Connell was staggering home with a small Paddy in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"

2. Guinness tradition

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"
The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."

3. Irish Stew

I've got my own recipe for Irish stew: Get some meat, some potatoes and a lot of Guinness Stout. Drink all of the beer. Forget about the stew.

4.

Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading.
After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all you say there?"
The agent said, Certainly ye have...Why do you ask?
Murphy replied, cancel the sale...its too good to part with.

5. St. Patrick's Skull

Bud Nelson, from New York; flew to Knock Airport in the west of Ireland on business. As he walked down the stairs from the plane onto the runway he noticed a small Irishman standing beside a long table with an assortment of Human Skulls.

"What are you doing?" asked the American.

"I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman.

"And what skulls do you have?" said Bud.

"Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!" said the Irishman.

"That's great!" said Bud. "Give me some names!"

"Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland...god bless his soul."

"Sorry" said Bud, "But did you say St. Patrick?"

"That's correct!" said the Irishman.

"I have to have that!" said Bud and paid him £50.00 in cash.

Bud flew back to New York and mounted his Skull on the wall in his Pub. People came from all over America to view this famous Skull. He made a fortune over a five-year period and retired a very rich man. During his retirement, he decided to go back to visit Ireland, the land that made him a fortune.

Bud flew back into Knock airport, and while walking down the stairs saw the same Irishman at the bottom of the stairs.

"God", said Bud, "What are you doing?"

"I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman.

"And what skulls do you have today?" said Bud.

"Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!" said the Irishman.

"That's great!" said Bud. "Give me some names!"

"Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland...god bless his soul."

"Sorry" said Bud, "But did you say St. Patrick?"

"That's correct!" said the Irishman. "Well!" said Bud, I was here almost 7 years ago and you sold me a Skull a little bit bigger than that one there, and you told me then that the skull was St. Patrick."

"Oh yes!" said the Irishman, "I remember you now! You see... This is St. Patrick when he was a boy!"