U.S. Navy Creates Cool New 'Ping' Sound

WASHINGTON—The U.S. Navy announced Monday that field tests of a cool new "ping" sound, a $3 billion project in development since the Cold War, have been an overwhelming success. "The Navy will begin retrofitting all destroyers, supercarriers, and nuclear submarines with the new sound immediately," said chief of naval operations Admiral Gary Roughead, who described the sound as "like a metallic-y sonar blip, but kind of loud like a torpedo siren." "We are extremely proud to continue the fine naval tradition of cool, important-sounding noises." Roughead refused to go into detail about the technical specifications of the new noise, saying only that its sound signifies the imminent death of everyone aboard.