All he has to do is not drool

The Manchester Union Leader

All he has to do is not fall asleep.

All he has to do is not throw up.

All he has to do is not drool.

Has there ever been a major presidential candidate with lower expectations on the eve of his first debate than Fred Thompson?

Though he is second in the national polls, the reviews of his campaigning thus far have been savage. He has been portrayed as a goober, a hick and a doofus. No, I take that back. He has been portrayed as a lazy goober, hick and doofus.

He has been portrayed as a guy who does not really want to run for President but is being pushed into it by his wife. (Which, even if true, would not be the first time in campaign history.)

He is depicted as the kind of man who would rather be sitting in a double-wide, sipping on a Yoo-hoo, eating a Moon Pie and watching "Jackass: Number Two" on DVD rather than occupying the Oval Office.

Never has there been an opportunity for any candidate to surprise his critics more.

There will be a two-hour debate Tuesday in Dearborn, Mich., sponsored by CNBC, MSNBC and The Wall Street Journal. It will focus on economic issues. The moderators will be Chris Matthews and Maria Bartiromo.

And all Thompson has to do to win is to exceed (very low) expectations.

Could he actually bone up for it? According to a Sept. 30 New York Times story, he is capable of rigorous study. As a senator, he "pored over legal tomes," brought a "lawyer's sensibility to his deliberations," focused on "green-eyeshade issues like budget and regulatory reform" and was a "stickler for preparation."

But is this the same Fred Thompson who has been campaigning for President recently? The Fred Thompson who, while campaigning in Florida, didn't know the details of the Terri Schiavo case or that some people want to drill for oil in the Everglades?

Clearly, there are two Fred Thompsons. There is one who gets his game on and one who slacks off.

Which one will show up on Tuesday?......