The whitest, most heterosexual fighting system in existence...

Finally, the STREET FIGHTING SECRETS of your favorite Republicans revealed!!!

How many times has this happened to you:

It's the company Christmas party. You've downed a few drinks and all of the Cheetos in the room. The drunker you get, the more certain you become that you're finally going to get lucky with that secretary from accounting.

You go over to her table and say, "Hi, do you remember me?" "Yes," she responds "you're that guy with the cubical in the boiler room who's always calling the receptionist and pretending to be Bill O'Reilly." At that point, the room errupts with laughter, and the IT guy who calls you "Mr. Vibrato" yells "watch it, he's packing a loofah."

Wouldn't you like to shoot him in the face, or better yet, run him over with your car? If so, our Secrets of Republican Street Fighting videos can teach you how.

Each video is a one hour course on fighting dirty taught by some of the meanest Republicans every to walk the Earth. We're talking about the most vicous bastards in the GOP.

Don't take my word for it. See for yourself:


Shoot The Son of a Bitch in the Face

Instructor: Dick Cheney

So you're out hunting and you find out that your buddy stashed the last six pack of beer in his hunting vest. What do you do? Well, if you've taken this course, you know that you shoot the bogarting son of a bitch in the face. It's what Dick calls "Shotgun Shock and Awe."


Flatten Him!

Instructor: Laura Bush

"Boyfriend problems? Just take a couple more tokes and then put your foot down on the accelerator." That's what you'll learn from this video course by Laura Bush, the only First Lady to get away with running over her boyfriend.

How do you think she keeps W in line?


The Sicilian Backrub

Instructor: Rep. Don Sherwood

Current Congressional ethics rules allow a Congressman to strangle their girlfriends and still keep their seats. The secret: call it a backrub. Nobody knows this better than Don Sherwood, The Strangler of the House.

Extra Bonus Feature: Rep. Sherwood's speech to the Carbondale Rotory, "Defending Family Values."


Kicking Osama's Ass

Instructor: Howard Kaloogian

Howard Kaloogian knew that nobody would believe that he fought Osama bin Laden in a Turkish bath, so he shot a video of their battle and then mounted the defeated Osama's head on his office wall (see picture below). Now their epic fight is available to you in the fourth video of our series.