Welcome To Your 2012 Constitutional Crisis Starring Some Weird 5th Circuit Judge

Good morrow, gentles! Verily, have you Heard the News? A Reagan-appointed Fifth Circuit Judge has handed out homework to a government lawyer, because he is so mad that Obama never passed Con Law. Marburby v. Madison! NYT v. Sullivan! Lemon v. Kurtzman! THREE PRONGS! Did NoObAma cheat on that too? Is his Harvard Law degree a forgery perpetrated by his known-forger illegal drunk-driving uncle? Has Joe Arpaio looked into that yet? PROBABLY! 

See, Obama declined to be on his oratorical game for one second once yesterday, and said that it would be “unprecedented” for the Supreme Court to overturn a law passed by a strong, democratically elected majority, and then everyone fainted because he had “threatened” the Supreme Court with politics, by mentioning them. 

And then this wackadoo judge interrupted the government lawyer in a fucking NOTHER Affordable Care Act case, a DIFFERENT one, this one heard by the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals, and was all SHUT YER TRAP AND LISTEN MISSY, AND TURN ME IN THREE SINGLE-SPACED PAGES BY THURSDAY and he wasn’t even kidding. READ MORE »

Colbert Jabs Santorum For Making Things Up

The Colbert Report
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Poll: Majority of U.S. Jews Still Support Obama

By Elad Benari 

Despite his rocky relationship with Israel and with Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, a survey released Tuesday finds that American Jews still favor President Barack Obama for re-election.

The survey, conducted among 1,004 American Jews by the Washington-based Public Religion Research Institute, found that Obama has the same level of support, 62 percent, among American Jewish voters as during a comparable point in the 2008 race. 

Three-in-ten Jewish voters said they prefer a Republican candidate over the incumbent president. Of those who supported Obama in 2008, an overwhelming majority say they would like to see him re-elected, 86 percent, while seven percent of Jewish voters who supported him in 2008 say they instead would support a Republican candidate in 2012.

Jewish voters who supported John McCain in 2008 demonstrate similar loyalty in their voting preferences, the survey found, with 92 percent reporting that they would prefer it if a Republican candidate won the election.

The survey also found that Israel is relatively low on the list of voting priorities for American Jewish voters. Only four percent of respondents said that Israel was the issue that would be most important to their vote. Instead, Jewish voters’ top priorities center around economic issues such as the economy (51 percent), the growing gap between the rich and the poor (15 percent), and health care and the federal deficit (10 percent).

The survey also found that by a margin of more than 2-to-1, American Jews say good diplomacy rather than military strength is the best way to ensure peace (63 percent vs. 25 percent, respectively)..........................

Priest’s PC Autoplays Gay Porn Slideshow to Congregation

gizmodo.com

Father Martin McVeigh was giving a talk to 26 parents and one 8-year-old kid when computer disaster struck. He connected his USB drive into a PC to start his Powerpoint presentation and, instead of the word of God, a hardcore gay porn slideshow started—thanks to Windows' autoplay.

Some parents—who were there to hear McVeigh talk about First Communion—were angry. Others were in shock. Just like McVeigh. He was so embarrassed that, according to witnesses, unplugged the USB drive and walked out of the room without uttering a single word. Later he declared to the press:

I don't know how it happened but I know what happened. There are people making innuendoes who weren't even there but in this day and age these stories grow.

Well, Father, I think there's little space for innuendo after showing gay porn in church. McVeigh, however, claims there is an explanation for all this.

The Archdiocese of Armagh, where the parish belongs, called the police and gave them the USB stick for inspection. The police told them there was no crime in gay porn and the drive didn't contain any pedophilia. It was just normal gay porn.................

Thanks to Hilarious Florida Gun Law, Tampa Cannot Restrict Firearms at GOP Convention

Ooops. Yet another casualty of ALEC’s constant hard-on for making sure you can sodomize yourself with your semi-automatic weapon is Tampa, Florida’s effort to ban guns from the site of the GOP convention in August. NO NOT ALLOWED. DON’T TREAD ON ME, & CETERA. READ MORE »

FOX Anchor Tweets Post Suggesting Obama Plotted To Murder Chelsea Clinton

TPM

A FOX News anchor tweeted to followers on Tuesday to ask their take on a fringe conspiracy site's suggestion that President Obama threatened to kill Chelsea Clinton in order to cover up a forged birth certificate.

The anchor, Heather Childers, asked: "Thoughts? Did Obama Campaign Threaten Chelsea Clinton's Life 2 Keep Parents Silent?" with a link to the post on birther hub Godfatherpolitics.com. When confronted on Twitter by liberal watchdog Media Matters, Childers responded:"I know Media Matters strives 2b FACTUALLY correct so attach the article plz. I was asking 4 opinion."

TPM reached out to FOX News for comment and will post their reply.

Economists Debunk Media Fearmongering About New EPA Rule

After the EPA proposed regulations on greenhouse gas emissions from power plants, several conservative media outlets claimed that the new rule would increase electricity prices for consumers by prohibiting the construction of coal plants without carbon dioxide controls. But economists and other analysts say that because low natural gas prices are already suppressing coal-plant growth, the rule will not significantly affect electricity rates. Read More

Rick Perry: Hopped Up On Pain Pills, Singing In The Bathroom

Remember how Rick Perry was insane during debates? Yeah, he was on painkillers all the time — supposedly because of his bad back, but did you also know that painkillers are really fun? Anyway, this is why he would fall asleep during the second half of every debate. 

And according to a new POLITICO EBOOK about the campaign, WIN THE POLITICS, Perry would also run into the toilet singing old workingman’s songs, when he was high. READ MORE »